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Where I Come When I Have No Where to Go

Here. Here is where I come when I have no where left to go. It’s the forgotten blog I drop in on from time to time when shit gets weird and I need to write and want to be heard but don’t want anyone to know who or where I am.

I’ve packed up and moved since I was last here. I’m in a new city, just me and the kiddos and the cats. I’m back in school again. It’s the end of the term insanity right now.

I miss home. I miss my house and my garden and my friends. I miss the wide open fields and skies.

And I love the city, too. I love school and university life and the opportunities here.

Let’s see. Last time I wrote about “The Roller Coaster.”

He’s in seminary now. Sometimes we send messages on Facebook. But I keep pretty firm boundaries on that one. It’s just a matter of time before he comes looking for me and the whole cycle goes around all over again. But next time it won’t. He’ll come looking for me and I’ll be long gone. Twenty years is long enough to ride that horror show.

I’m here, now, tonight. Struggling with the mess of an entirely different relationship. I guess that’s why I’m here.

It was even less substantial and real than any of the previous ones. How do you pick up the pieces from a broken relationship that never was?