divorce, health, single mom

Where does imagination end and delusion begin?

I’ve been accused of all kinds of bizarre behavior the last months.  My friend who brings her grandson to play with Little Boy is my lesbian lover.  I’m dealing drugs.  I’m on drugs.  I ran off my step children.  I’m lazy.  I’m depressed/addicted/paranoid.

But I’ve had to conclude that these are in fact, Man-baby’s views of himself.  He liked to leave four hours early for work and couldn’t ever account for the time.  There was a constant pile of empty liquor jugs and prescription bottles with the labels removed.  The terrible things he said about his daughter made her leave.  I did kick out his son, after he raped little boy.  He wanted to do nothing more than drink and drive around in circles (often at the same time).  He was always hyper-alert to even imagined threats and tried to get the neighbors to spy on me.

DD mentioned it could be over active imagination, that man-baby doesn’t have the discipline to keep his imagination in check.  There is an element of truth to this.  But what I witnessed and lived with was far worse than just imagination.  It was down right delusional, paranoid, creepy.

Man-baby, who does nothing to take care of himself, had a heart attack a few years ago.  Thus fear of death was his “reason” for being controlling and crazy.  He wouldn’t sleep unless it was light out.  He screamed at his daughter “to toughen her up”.  He had all these strange little OCD things that had to happen to deal with all his fear.  But eating right and exercising and staying off the sauce weren’t options because they would “ruin his quality of life.”  It always looked to my like he was ruining his quality of life.



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