I got severed divorce papers tonight! Woot! It’s a step towards being done with this nightmare.
Tomorrow would be the anniversary of my first date with Man-baby. We had been friends for a year before that.
I never pictured myself divorced. Especially not this quickly. But as Best Friend put it, a lot of people are sweet as sugar until you actually live with them. He is one of those, charming and considerate on the outside, always friendly to checkers and waitresses. But at home he’s (as he so proudly describes himself) a son of a bitch.
I should have known that how he pushed for a quick marriage was a bad sign. I should have listened to my gut and insisted we slow down then. But even that might not have saved me this. He would have gone on wearing the gentleman mask.
We hadn’t been married three weeks before his true colors came out.
So I am happy to have an end. The poor lady who served the papers seemed surprised to have someone happy to receive a court summons. I don’t imagine it’s an easy job. But I thanked her.
I’m going to have my dad read through everything with me tomorrow. He’s fluent in legal jargon and I want to make sure I understand all of it before signing it. But for the most part it all makes sense. I have no desire to turn it into a long torturous battle. I just want my freedom.
Both to be free from the torment of being chained to a tyrant and to be free to really explore a relationship with DD.
Tomorrow is also the day Little Girl was conceived. Just five years ago DD and I were college kids having sex after a bottle of gin who couldn’t use a condom. Yes, May 1 is a day in my life.
And today, my main objective is to learn how to make conscientious choices about life. I’ve been slowly learning this lesson for nearly thirty years. In some ways, the brutal truth, is that I needed to go threw this failed marriage and all the misery it brought me. I have learned a lot. Sometimes eating shit is highly instructive. It ripped my blinders off and forced me to look at the ugly truth of myself.
I am learning to really take care of myself. To watch how I treat my body.
I learned what love really means. And loyalty. And commitment.
I am re-learning about having a heart of peace. About doing what is right no matter what.