divorce, health, parenting, relationship, single mom, stress


DD and I have long said we are lucky to have each other as an ex.  And it is true that we have amicably co-parented for more than four years.

It was hard at first, terribly hard.  But we were both committed to our daughter and so we stuck it out.  There were many uncomfortable moments and lots of tongue biting all the way around.

And then we got into a grove, seeing each other every week was just part of the routine.  The tension slowly dissipated.

The years went by and we became friends again, a little bit at a time.  The hurt and resentment ebbed away.

I got married and never noticed that he was fast becoming the man of my dreams again.

And then my marriage turned ugly and abusive.  And my best efforts to swing it back to something tolerable failed.

And there was DD.

The general advice is not to give second chances, to remember why you broke up in the first place.

But neither he nor I are the same people we were five years ago.  And half of our problems were my fault.  Ironically it is this shared parenting journey that has caused us to grow up and mellow out.  We know each others’ best and worst.

It is a strange feeling how we are learning to be a family now.  He is at once so familiar and yet so very different.

He is more aggressive than he used to be, I let him lead.  And at the same time he is not pushy or possessive.  This is part of why I had felt like he didn’t want me before, he didn’t chase me or try to trap me.  It is also why I feel so safe with him, I know that he respects my freedom and autonomy.  It took a thoroughly controlling and twisted relationship for me to understand this.

He is healthier and sexier than ever.  I want him more now than ever.  It is so hard to keep the brakes on this attraction.  But I am not the sort of woman to break a vow.  And so we wait.




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