P: ‘Good night.’
M: ‘I love you.’
‘Quit saying that.’
‘It is too much pressure.’
To love an addict is to run out of tears.
This addict is doing everything she can to change. She will always be an addict, she can never pick up drugs or alcohol again. But she does not have to keep making the same mistakes. She used to refuse to say those words, “I love you.” They left her wide open to hurt, rejection.
That addict doesn’t want to do a damn thing. He’s not using but he’s hardly sober. He’s trying to use this addict. She knows it. They have a decades long bond both as friends and lovers. She hates to see him suffer. She hates to his efforts to use her, too. She has run out of tears. But she will keep saying ‘I love you’ as long as it is true. She will not keep quiet because he his uncomfortable. She speaks for herself today, no longer too cowardly to own her own words.