abuse, crazy making, domestic violence, flashback, friendship, motherhood, personal, recovery, relationship, survivor, Uncategorized

Never Too Late – But Sometimes It Is

I could write about my grandmothers, both long dead.  I could write about my teachers, I was fortunate to have many excellent teachers.  But I won’t.

Thank you, abusive stalker ex-boyfriend.

Thank you for this beautiful child I have.  He’s almost ten.  He’s never seen you.  He’s small but he’s tough.  He’s smart and he’s got a big heart.

Thank you for the chance to learn exactly how strong I am.  For somehow not pulling that trigger and putting a bullet in my back.

Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of prayer – Lord, let me get out alive!

Thank you for the opportunity to learn all about shame and holding my head up.

Thank you for the scars, they remind me how far I have come.

Thank you for all those nights I kept the light on and barely slept.  They gave me hours alone with God.

Thank you for making me learn how the courts treat victims, years before a judge taught me how the system really works and who it works for.

Thank you for isolating me from my friends and family.  Now I know who I can really trust.

Thank you for spending all my money on drugs.  Being pregnant I signed on with a temp agency and got to see the inner workings of many businesses.

Thank you for hunting me down and screaming at me over and over.  I can run like a deer and hide like a rabbit now.

Thank you for reading my privet notebooks.  I didn’t write for ten years and now have many stories to tell.

Thank you for telling me all your ex wives and girlfriends were crazy.  Now I know to run like the wind when I hear that phrase from a man.

Thank you for hitting your daughter in front of me.  I couldn’t stop you, couldn’t save her.  I cried for her.  And I made damn sure my baby got a better life.

Thank you for following me all over town and insisting I never be alone for a minute.  I know to value solitude and silence.

Thank you for shaping who I am today.  I know how to help the least of these because you made me so small.  I know the real meanings of compassion and empathy now.  I will never thank you, it is too late.  But thank you.
Never Too Late



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